The Emotional Cost of Spending
I was furious. I can’t even remember what I was angry about, but the rage consumed me. Needing an outlet, I decided to do something that always made me feel better—shopping. That day was the end of the month, and our salaries had just been deposited. I had both mine and my husband’s ATM cards, so I felt in control. I walked into several stores and swiped the cards, buying items I didn’t need, simply to soothe my anger. By the time I got home, my mood had lifted, a large bag of crisps in hand as my final comfort. But when I checked my account balance the next day, I was horrified. I had blown 30,000 Kenya shillings on stuff I didn’t even want. What would I tell my husband?
This incident made me realize that numbers don’t always explain spending. Behind every purchase is a story, and behind every story is a feeling. Whether it’s anger, stress, or insecurity, emotions are often the silent drivers of our spending behaviour. Take, for example, the new mother who, feeling overlooked as everyone focuses on the baby, splurges on new clothes to regain a sense of confidence. Or the man in a midlife crisis, buying an expensive car to project an image of success he doesn’t quite feel.
Couples, too, often find themselves spending more when they’re in conflict. Separate modes of transportation during fights can mean higher fuel costs, eating out more might translate to unplanned expenses, and some even move into separate living spaces, doubling rent. These behaviors often push couples into debts they never anticipated. It’s clear—moods master money.
This link between emotions and money isn’t just anecdotal. In The Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel explains that financial decisions often can’t be understood through spreadsheets or formulas alone.
Human behaviour is at the heart of financial success—or failure.
One time, I was sent to pick up some money on behalf of my mother. I wondered why I had to go in person when there were several virtual methods available. When I met the woman handing over the money, I understood. She needed to display her wealth. Beaming with pride, she counted out 200,000 shillings in front of strangers, loudly announcing how much money she had. It became clear—her identity was deeply tied to her wealth. Without it, she seemed to feel chagrined. For her, money wasn’t just a tool; it was a source of validation and control.
Money is, without a doubt, an emotional subject. If we want to manage our money better, we need to first understand the emotions behind our spending. Only then can we begin to master our financial decisions.